My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
