dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You need a sexual gate keeper
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
