I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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