Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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