It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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