Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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