i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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