my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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