just tell him i said nine months
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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