i just sent this text using only my big toe
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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