She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
