we have officially lost it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
