office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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