I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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