people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
