jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
