so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
