What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
