is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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