Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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