went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
whose parrot is this?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
