I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
