Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
