i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
