yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
