I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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