I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
