ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
how can u be prego again
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
