i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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