She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
