Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
