Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
