can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
