What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
