my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
