Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
