Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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