she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Randomize
