there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
