I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
