do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
