Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
