Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
