Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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