She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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