he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
NoShamevember. You game?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
