I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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