i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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