so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
