the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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