So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
