On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
