I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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