i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
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